Welcome to Mossad-ALF´s funny little blog...: Shlomo the Surf Jew returns with an impressive entourage of highly gifted Groms

last days was watching some surf movies on magicseaweed. and suddenly Shlomo appeared. in his grace and glory. gracing my screen with his beautiful children. how could I know that Shlomo and his isurftribe (that haven't posted a video in a year) are terribly busy putting the slash on, all across the planet. and Atua and Ki'ili are not some shabby tico groms but actually european and world champions in their age division. You should see Atua's footage from Teahupoo. He's surfing it at a real decent size, not Laird hamilton or Koa Rothman size, but decent. triple overhead for him. His sister Ki'ili (who i renamed Keely, since the other thing is impossible to type) also surfs chopes and even got bum rash on one pic. eew.. chopes is a nasty wave it can demand quite a toll. but really glassy barrels on a good day.

remember couple months ago i compared chris mo'e from isurftribe (here seen right side) to duke kahanamoku (whose ear he shares, they are blood), and to rizaal tanjung (indo surf legend), who i no longer think he is.. now look at this...

thats jeremy flores, FRA polynesian surf legend. same ear as chris mo'e, but diffrent nose.jeremy has a european nose. chris a polynesian one.. so why do i compare them in the first place ?

they are connected because chris's daughter keely and son atua are also groms from tahiti. and are children of a woman who is a tahiti beauty queen and wife to jeremy flores. they are in all the big teams, quiksilver, ripcurl, billabong you name it. they surf the WSL (world surf league) under diffrent names, they speak all the basic languages (FRA, ENG, POR, ESP and then some..) and do the same thing their daddy did when he surfed the ASP (back then there was no WSL)..

that's jeremy flores. the birthdate is fake. you can easily add 10 yrs to that.

that's chris. he hasn't posted a video in over a year. you want me to believe he's sitting in a beach hut in guanacaste playing pingpong with his balls while working on his blockchain. believe it who will. but sure as hell not me.. costa rica is a very consistent spot, waves year round, hot temperature (close to equator) but no real world-class waves.. actually a good place to learn surfing, cause when the surf is crap and you gotta pull the Catchsurf beater out, every inch counts, you learn to read waves really well, to speed up or slow down, so you can bring in 2 or 3 turns even on the crappiest wave, cause that's often what you have to do in contests as well.but i digress...

BTW did you know that flores is an island in indonesia. its the 4th island east of Bali, the INDO surfing mekka. Bali, Lombok, Sumbawa then Flores...I am 100% positive he has an INDO alter but haven't found it yet. and probly not gonna look for it. Got better things to do than being a paparazzi constantly sniffing up people's crusty underwear.

let me show you the woman i was talking about. Hinarani de longeaux. tahiti model not just any model. bigtime model. birthdate is bullshit. add 5 or 10 years. if that will even be enough. BTW she also looks a lot like darcizzle offshore, 'real' name darcie arahill, a florida expert fisher, check out her youtube channel.. she has some great footage and catching lots of diffrent fish but i stopped watching, she's constantly begging for patreon..yuck.... i bet her dad owns the biggest fishing brand or wharf on the planet. these 'water-jews' are all connected somehow... you can even see it in their features...).

so hinarani de longeaux (left side) has almost the exact same face (especially teeth) than tahitian surfer aelan vaast. they are mother and daughter. As you can easily see here:

same ear

very similar almond shape eye. with the same tucked-in lid.

same teeth as well. same nose. that looks slightly brazilian. this face is really a good mix, it could be from almost any country, you couldn't tell. apart from probably mongolia or greenland.. but hell, she could probably pull that off too..

so hinarani and aelan, officially not related, are really mother and daughter. using different funny names. that in your brain, your lexicon, your history are diffrent. but not in my brain. which is certified paranoid schizophrenic. dude that shrink really must have made a fair dollar having me diagnosed, last time I checked he's got a decent ride and hot secretary. I'd probably send people to the mental ward too if it pays my bills, in another life probably. but I digress...

left side hinarani, right side you see another girl that is just an alter of aelan.

again hinarani the mother, left side, and aelan vaast, right side.the grom.

same here.

here again the ears. very similar. hard to see cause lighting and size is different.
but still similar...

in the 90° shot you can see it even moar better. just watch the nose, chin, same long blond hair, and especially teeth.. not really rabbit-ish but pronounced incisors.. easy to spot..

ok these teeth seal the deal..
now let us check her other characters...

here's a funny quiz: these are all smaller cities or towns on tahiti (an island with only ca. 190K population, so everyone knows one another). how big are the odds that the grom surf champion is born EXACTLY in the very spot that has become the new pipeline. where every douche has to go as a mental penis enhancement... yeah dude... i like... totally... surfed Chopes when it was uuh... six feet... whoa.. rad dude.. i bet it was worth the jet fuel...

so how big are the odds. of course its a rethorical question cause the odds are astronomical. But we live in a time where we can't tell truth from, uuh let's call it "almost-truth". or do you wanna accuse a girl like this of lieing ?

well do you ? I sure don't wanna.. if I had a daughter I'd want her to go surfing with this...thing...
with the long spindly legs and the calm disposure. but that's not possible cause I have none...

ok do you see these eyes ?

do you see these teeth ?

do you see all the features ?

the long blonde hair ?

the ear ?

even the skull's the same...
so let me assure you. Keely is Aelan, and there's not a jew
in the world that can convince me otherwise. no matter how many shekels (made with designer sunglasses, overpriced honeycomb-pattern fins and designer boardshorts) he offers.

but that's not enough... if you're running with that crowd. you gotta go all in...balls deep..

so she's got also this argentinia alter. not so famous. waves are not so impressive there but that don't matter. you can still pop out your quad fish and pop a yuuuge air in a blown-out onshore beachbreak..
if you're good.. so waves don't really matter.. you can surf anything when you're a surfer..

tahiti of course got higher ratings.. these spotlists are from wannasurf by the way..

here we can see keely showing off with her trucker hat on a nice turn. i dig chicks with trucker hats.

alas, her interview was all lies. (oops I said it..)
but there you go.. ain't nothing that can't be fixed...
the magic fountain pen of ALF brings healing to all ailments..

so this is her argentinian alter. abril solis.

you can see same teeth. dead giveaway. same nose. eye and overall features.

same pic but without the pencil.

check out how many followers she has on that alter. thats less than three dozen ! you can see what utter bullshit this advertizing and whoring for likes, subscriptions on youtube has become. everyone constantly asking for subs like it was a sport.. check out how many john john has:

he has 142000 subs, that is more than 4176 times as much. But both just do the same thing. goofing around on waves..

then there's another alter, an australian. name's Amelie Bourke. That's also Keely.

you can tell by the teeth, long hair and overall face.

also check out the same spindely thin legs. its a dead giveaway.

just like the daughter of a supermodel. in 5 years she will win
the miss universe title. but i doubt under any of these alters
she'll use a diffrent one..

here's yer nose... and that was that...

nine followers on that alter... hilarious.. right ? let us move on to more fertile pastures..

BTW keely also looks a LOT like janna jihad, the fake pali 'reporter' and her even faker cousin Ahed Tamimi, who are nothing but a Greenberg / Wohl family plant. Yes the world is a tiny village.

but I generally don't like comparing children. its hard cause features
can still shift so much, it's shaky business. better wait another 10 yrs.
then its much easier when they are married with kids.

ok that was Keely, now let's check out her brother, Atua Mo'e..
isurftribe member and part-time tico surf bum...
for he is noone other than...Tadaaa....
**tension rising... the crowd whispers in anticipation...**

Kauli the Kaulbarsch, if you don't know what sorta fish that is,
go look it up... or play russian fishing 4, in german language...
to catch this fish go to old burg lake, leave the village
to the north and throw your rod out at night with a worm and
a hook size 8 or bigger... i guarantee you will catch one..

coochee coochee cooo.... what a tasty ruffe we have here on our hook...

would probably taste fine with some tahitian herbs and
lots of sambal olek. Or minced, as fish patties in a tasty burger...

damn I have to stop write crap, my fridge is empty, it's only gonna raise my appetite..

I'm trying to lose weight goddamnit...

here you can see kauli on his home break..
the world is a village, his village.
so it really is his home break.. kindof..
at age 16 that is a decent size Teahupoo,
given the fact there's a wicked reef just waiting for him to slip,
so it can strip the skin right off his butt..

like with his sister..

so that helmet is probably a good call. no use for a fractured skull.
lest he'd kill half a dozen surfers all at the same time, with just one wave !

ears don't lie only jooo kids do.

even if they have pearlwhite teeth...

here another incredible joke. that i pulled from my blogging guide:
"101 ways to annoy your audience - blogging for total n00bs - edition 2.0"

so i think that's all the pictures I have. let's call it a day. I'm now gonna go sit on my tiny balcony and stare at the grass again. if I had a surfvan I could ride up and down the coast from Brittany all the way down to Cadiz and Morocco.. but alas.. Shlomo the Surf Jew and the world his tribe created, (i don't mean the isurftribe, i mean the other one), will not permit me to be a success. they know their animals (meaning you, the people who buy their merchandize) will always serve them, no matter if a boardshort is 80$, a minimal 600$, and a leash 50$, you idiots are still gonna buy it. cause you're so friggin addicted to the panoramic 4K shots from their dragon red camera with large telelens, brushed up with adobe after effects and uploaded to one of their seven million twitter, instagram and youtube channels...

so I'm just gonna put on my new M1 helmet,